Last night, I got upset at Chris over the state of the apartment - the mess, my desire for a clean home and my determination to clean it before we leave Thursday morning.
Instead of responding in a supportive way, Chris gave his usual excuse. He's been so busy at work, he doesn't have time, it's not that bad, he'll take care of it.
"When? I don't want to hear it unless you mean it."
Chris was tired but he helped me wash the dishes.
Still I felt sad. And worst of all, I felt scared.
One of the most selfless things I think I did was moving to DC, so that we can be together in the same city. I left a great job, an awesome career track, accepted a position that paid less than 50% of my base salary alone.
I want to be the woman who can have it all--- the career, the family, the loving relationship. But instead, I felt that I was made to choose between career and relationship.
Because Chris is so busy with his work and I care and love him, I don't want him to do any housework, especially if hes tired. But that just means the burden falls onto me.
If I want a clean and beautiful home, I would need to do it. Essentially I am now doing the work of two people and it's hard, very hard.
I think since Chris and I have been together, I've done more housework than I have ever done in my entire life. And still, our living space looks like a pigsty.
My conclusion is that we just have too much stuff. But Chris loves stuff. He likes acquiring stuff. He loves receiving stuff. I don't want to be the nagging, criticizing wife that constantly nitpicks her husband, but more often than not, unless I complain about it, Chris doesn't clean automatically on his own. It's like he has an uncanny tolerance for dirtiness. I, on the hand, can't stand it.
So what do I do? Since I can't walk away from this man (he IS the man of my dreams), I need to accept it. Can I accept his habits? His ways? My big day is in 3 days and I am worried.
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