My Mr. Right #1

One of the things I love about Chris is that he is a man of his words. When he says that he will take out the trash, he does it (maybe not immediately but in the near future time frame). When he says that he will step up in his role as the Head of the Household in a biblical sense, he really tried his best to do so through prayer.

For instance, we've been doing pretty regularly is praying before going to sleep. We thank our heavenly father for the day, to give us the strength to finish our work and to be with us as we go about our lives.

I'm really grateful that Chris has taken the lead in this. It's so important to me that we have that relationship with God and that we love each other through God.

I think that's why I feel really safe when I'm with him. I trust him completely and I feel comfortable letting him lead.

Lingering Resentment

As my big day approaches, I feel excited but also scared. I also have some lingering resentment that seems to fester and I worry that they should be present just when our marriage is about to begin. 

Last night, I got upset at Chris over the state of the apartment - the mess, my desire for a clean home and my determination to clean it before we leave Thursday morning. 

Instead of responding in a supportive way, Chris gave his usual excuse. He's been so busy at work, he doesn't have time, it's not that bad, he'll take care of it. 

"When? I don't want to hear it unless you mean it."

Chris was tired but he helped me wash the dishes. 

Still I felt sad. And worst of all, I felt scared. 

One of the most selfless things I think I did was moving to DC, so that we can be together in the same city. I left a great job, an awesome career track, accepted a position that paid less than 50% of my base salary alone. 

I want to be the woman who can have it all--- the career, the family, the loving relationship. But instead, I felt that I was made to choose between career and relationship. 

Because Chris is so busy with his work and I care and love him, I don't want him to do any housework, especially if hes tired. But that just means the burden falls onto me. 

If I want a clean and beautiful home, I would need to do it. Essentially I am now doing the work of two people and it's hard, very hard. 

I think since Chris and I have been together, I've done more housework than I have ever done in my entire life. And still, our living space looks like a pigsty. 

My conclusion is that we just have too much stuff. But Chris loves stuff. He likes acquiring stuff. He loves receiving stuff. I don't want to be the nagging, criticizing wife that constantly nitpicks her husband, but more often than not, unless I complain about it, Chris doesn't clean automatically on his own. It's like he has an uncanny tolerance for dirtiness. I, on the hand, can't stand it. 

So what do I do? Since I can't walk away from this man (he IS the man of my dreams), I need to accept it. Can I accept his habits? His ways? My big day is in 3 days and I am worried. 

Messy Apartment

I think we are going to be one of those couples who will have a clutter issue.

I'm sitting on the couch and I'm surveying our living room/dining room/kitchen...and it's a mess. I won't embarrass myself by taking a photo, but it literally look something like this:

Boxes everywhere (registry items on the table unopened...some need to be returned). Clothes on the loveseat (clean...just not folded or put away), books and papers everywhere, random luggage here and there. It's chaotic. 

As the loving wife-to-be, I have done my best to clean up. A little bit at a time, but it's a lot. 

What about Chris, you might wonder? Well, he almost never cleans. He does say he will help me, but I think the nature of his job just doesn't seem to allow him to have the free time to do housework. 

Of course it bugs me! I am someone who would prefer to live in a clean home and it irritates me that I have to live in this pigsty, but I also recognize and understand that Chris is hardworking. He is already stretched so thin with his work (almost every day, he goes to bed at around 2 AM and sleep only for 6 hours a night). 

My ideal situation of coming back from wedding to a clean home...is probably not going to come true. Oh well. We have to pick and choose our battles. 

Marriage Shouldn't Be A Big Mistery

When I talk to married couples about marriage, they typically fall into two camps. The first is that they are in love, some unexplained high from whatever it is and the second is that they are in the dumps and something is not working. I rarely hear about people in the middle.

Normally, people allude that marriage takes a lot of work, but no one really talk about anything in detail. For example, what exactly are some of the conflicts that people face and how do they resolve it with their significant other?

It's almost as if marriage is some secret society and once you are in, you become mum and you stop sharing the deets. 

In Tim Keller's book, The Meaning of Marriage, Tim talks about how much work marriage is and how he struggled to understand his wife through all those years. I think it's one of the few honest accounts about just what marriage is about. 

Most women / relationships are catered toward the young, single readers-- how to snatch a boo, how to flirt, how to be sexy. After marriage, most blogs are catered to stuff like, how to have better sex, how to keep romance, how to cook tasty meals. 

It's almost like saying that marriage is the same as pre-marriage. You just need to master some skills, i.e. sex and romance, and life will just be perfect. 

The practical person in me knows that this is far from the truth. 

A successful marriage is more than just doing the right thing. It's a journey that only two people can walk together. 

I think life after marriage shouldn't be a big mystery. People should be open about what's working and what's not. What are the triumphs and what are the challenges. It's a journey for the two people involved, but that doesn't mean it has to be a lonely one. 

I intend to demystify what life after marriage is like and it is my hope that with time, I can collect a community of men and women who can share what it is really like, after all the glitz and glamour of the big day pass 

What I'm Worried About

Yep I am a worrier. I worry too much. Even when there is nothing to worry about, I find something to worry. Today, I'm thinking about the many things that I could potentially go wrong at my wedding and the days leading up to it. I thought I'd list them here, so that I can report back later and see just how wrong I have been (maybe...hopefully):

1. Forget to pack some major important item, i.e. wedding bands. ==> MAJOR FREAK OUT
2. Some freak snowstorm happens and all the flights get canceled. 
3. It rains really hard on the day of the wedding and Chris (my fiance) gets grumpy.
4. Some work stuff blows up and Chris is glued to his "Berry" (work phone) and miss watching me walk down the aisle. 
5. Some mix up happens at the church and we can't have the rehearsal as planned. And my parents freak out and start yelling at me for being so disorganized. (Note: I have a wedding planner).
6. My future MIL makes a snippy comment at me and ruins my night.
7. One of our bridal party--groomsman or bridesmaid--drops out last minute.
8. I cannot fit in my wedding gown.
9. The photographers don't take pretty photos of me. 
10. Someone gets drunk at the reception and makes a scene. 
11. My cake (3 tiers) looks too small in the middle of the room and everyone makes fun of me. 
12. Chris and I forget the dance moves to our First Dance and he drops me on the dip.
13. The dance floor is empty and people leave early.
14. Some hidden fees pop up at the end of the night and I get stuck writing a huge check.
15. Some one raids our gift table and we lose some things.
16. Too many empty seats due to last minute guest dropouts.
17. I get back to work on Tuesday (after the weekend) and I find out that I no longer have a job. 

Thank goodness I have God.

1 Week Left!!!

It's exactly 1 week before the big day and I feel giddy. I see light at the end of the tunnel. It actually feels real. It's happening...in just 1 week!

And that's why I started this blog.

There seems to be so many accounts out there -- blogs about dating, blogs about sex, blogs about keeping sex alive after marriage, but exactly what is it like after marriage? It seems like a big mystery.

And that's why I decided that I will blog about it.

Just an honest account of what it's like after tying the knot.

As any other excited bride, I have huge expectations about what my day will be like and how marriage should be like after marriage. And I am scared that things won't go as planned.

Some of the burning questions I have are-- how long exactly does the honeymoon period last? Will our honeymoon period be longer or shorter, given that we are not taking our honeymoon until May--2 months after getting married? How exactly will we mesh after marriage? Will we interact differently after marriage?